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It is 11:09 PM

And our seven year old is STILL awake!   In bed, in the dark, humming, or talking to himself, or tapping on the wall...like when he was 2 and fighting sleep.  Something needs to change...he is gonna be a grump tomorrow.  

Off to bed, I shall drag him in with me so he can fall asleep before midnight.

Proud momma

I just watched a frequently paused and interrupted presidential debate with my almost 10 year old son.  He was so interested and so wanted to understand everything.  Of course he had some silly and naive thoughts and comments, he is an nine year old boy after all, but he more often surprised me with his maturity and intuition...about everything from economic spending, taxes, "Joe the Plumber"  all the way to abortion.  The boy knew more about that than I thought he did...and was actually extremely determined that it would be very wrong to force women to have babies they don't want...that it would be bad for the baby to not be wanted.  In addition he is all over sex education and that we should start in third grade so that by the time kids "have puberty" and can choose to "do it" that they will know how to not get pregnant, and further that the parents who choose to just teach their children to wait till they get marries will feel very guilty when their teenagers get pregnant.  Althoug,h he did seem to think that some middle-schoolers, if they are" really smart and skip a grade or something like that"....that those could choose to have a baby and "it would be good for them."    Sigh...   So, anyway, he wants to be a legislator, and I could see him going that route.  He has been more interested in this election than anything else other than pokemon or lego, ever. 

At the very least this young man will be a concerned, informed and politically aware American citizen and will never take his right to vote for granted.

Note, he wearing MY moveon.org Obama shirt, which apparently is not a ladies' size L but a teen size L...and is much too tight for public.  I may try it on for certain eyes at some point.  Till then, he asked if he could have it.    Oh, and he is not smiling with teeth showing because he currently prefers this smile.   :)  

Last note, Caelan has not slept well for a couple weeks and has been restless at bedtime...not tired or sleepy.  He was pretty active tonight till about 10, then laid down with us for a brief cuddle, and then went up to bed on his own (a first ever!) and fell asleep.  :)  This is a full hour earlier than the past several nights. :D

Alright--night all and sorry for the infrequent posts.  School is keeping me busy, along with single parenting...come home soon Justin!

No surprises here...

You are a

Social Liberal
(80% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(6% permissive)

You are best described as a:


Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid.com: Free Online Dating
Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

A commentary from Eve Ensler

of Vagina Monologues fame...very powerful words.  what do you think?

"I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?"


When it rains, it pours.

So I was in the kitchen basically catching up on dishes and disinfecting everything I could. I decided to start dinner since I was actually in the kitchen fairly early for once.  What takes a long time to cook? Rice.  Sounds good, right?  Rice, some veggies, how about some chicken too.  Well I go to cook the rice and there is powder floating in the water.  Uh Oh...further inspection revealed that we have an fairly minor infestation (can you use "minor" and "infestation" in the same sentence?) of Indian Meal Moths in our pantry.  I only found four adults and a few very tiny  little nest- type areas, and no larvae...but still.  YUCK!  I am still sick and barely have enough energy to keep up with school, the kids, and the house.  Now this.  Blech.  I have pretty much trashed everything they could have gotten into.

Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

Another whiney post from Dawn.

Argh! Strep!

Sigh, in and of itself not such a big deal but I have it. Again. We cannot afford for another go-round of last fall with strep bouncing around our family like a super-ball. If the kids are sick I will have to stay home and miss classes too. If the kids get sick we have PANDAS-type tics, behaviors, etc and I am SO not up for that. So, thankfully I sincerely tried to keep my germs to myself over the weekend, and got my official (+) strep test this morning. I stopped in the student health clinic to (hopefully) rule it out and was amazingly seen within just a few minutes, and back out the door, bottle of amoxi in hand in under 15 minutes! I felt so fortunate to have access to speedy service. I think I will plan to have some of my other medical needs taken care of there as well. So, please cross your fingers, or send healing energy, or prayers our way in the hopes that the children stay well. I will do my part and sanitize the house as much as I can and put everyone on extra fluids and vitamin C. Maybe some oregon grape root if I have any on hand.

Sorry to make my first post in ages a whine.
We had an app't at Family Guidance today, what a wonderful resource. they are totally into autism/asperger's, focused on helping *families*! We met the psych nurse, psychiatrist and psychologist today and will go back on Sept 10 for an hour long get to know Caelan/autism screening. In getting a very brief history from me she mentioned that Caelan was on "a lot of medication". ? He is for a child of 7, but he is on a low dose of the seroquel and the lamictal is new and a very very low dose of that. So, it is good that she is not all about medicating kids into submission and manageability. They have lots of social groups for kids on the spectrum and adults too! They do counseling and behavior therapy. She was glad to see the list of vitamins he takes so no conflict there. I mentioned we had concerns that his behaviors were starting to look more and more bipolar and she reassured me that behavior can mean all sorts of things and sometimes it isn't at all what we think, that kids on the spectrum often act out for reasons they and we don't understand...frustration etc. So anyway it was a good first visit and we decided to have her manage his meds and we would plan therapy etc and also that we would still see Dr Starr for the holistic approaches which have also been very successful in improving his (and our) quality of life.

Afterwards I had a lunch date with Caelan upon our return to school and he earned an extra 15 minutes of DS time for being so responsible and going back to class so well. he really truly doesn't feel very good today and I felt bad making him go, but he didn't put up a fight so we went with it. I think the lamictal is making his tummy hurt. Hopefully it will pass. We have seen some improvement in the past few days behavior and mood wise but that could also be because Daddy was home, and because it was the weekend, and because he is getting more comfy in the school routine. Time will tell. We'll keep him on the lower dose for a while yet.

School transition is going about as I'd expected but he IS improving a little every day with his willingness to go and his behavior while there. I hope it continues.

So, I am feeling SO much better now that I have adderall again. I really was in quite a funk this summer and hadn't realized how much so. Now I have the desire to GO and DO things with the kids...last night we went for a walk/bike around the neighborhood conveniently ending up at the other end of our street where there are lots of older(9-13) kids and a safe place to ride bikes. I hung out with the mom of two of the boys, Jenna. We met through the Recycle Clarksville owner and seem to have some things in common anyway. And she has an 8 month old daughter so the boys are delighted to not just have her 9 (and 12) yr old boys to play with but a sweet baby to fawn over as well. Anyway, the cloud has lifted and maybe I won't even need the Effexor my Dr. prescribed. I think I will give this a week or two and see how I am feeling. I have not had a good history with antidepressants. Cymbalta made me deathly sick to my stomach and al I had to get up SEVERAL times a night to pee. I seriously was starting to think I might be pregnant! then wellbutrin was effective but the combo of wb and adderall gave me some facial tics I wasn't okay with. So, I went off both for the summer. Bad idea. In retrospect i feel like I really wasted a lot of time. When I went back on wb in anticipation of the school year my breathing problems came back and my Dr made a connection between the timeing of when I was on wb and off and back on coinciding with my taking of wb. Also with the stress of both the end of one school year and the beginning of another, and with the stress of justin leaving for AL. I'm weaning back off and my breathing is better, but when I took my last 1/2 tab last night I had a lot of trouble with it again. So, hopefully that was it.

I have a half hour before I go pick up the kids and need to pick up the house a bit more. Just an overdue update on life in Clarksville.

Oh, I almost forgot, I met with KC for his lunchtime as well ( won't be able to once my classes start) and met his little friend who I would BET has high functioning autism. A good fit for KC though, he is sweet, polite, CALM, a little slow and deliberate in his conversing but not in a bad way. KC was riveted to his every word as he told me all about his old school and his family (his little sister is nicknames Hurricane Hailey). We talked about how KC has a Tornado Caelan for his little brother and he wondered what would happen if Hurricane Hailey and Tornado caelan ever fot together. :) Good little sense of humor. Sadly, his dad (stepdad I think) died in Iraq some time ago. it's possible his differences are a result of that traumatic experience but I do think he has autistic traits too. Anyway they get along well and seem happy. Nice date.


Finally a Better Day!

Yippee and a Happy Dance! I feel so free and at peace for the moment and will revel in this moment because it will pass just as the not so good ones.

Caelan woke up in my bed, told me all about his dreams (Pokemon of course) and grudgingly agreed to take that shower and even to let me help him wash his grubby hair! then he hustled through his morning routine so he could earn a bit of bonus DS time. He did great, and even turned it off at 8:20 as he was supposed to! AND------------got out of the car willingly and almost cheerfully....walked into school and hopefully all the way to his class! Wooo Hooooo!

What's different today? Well, I remembered to give him the second half of his Seroquel dose for one. Another factor is that he had a horrible night, was so hungry and tired, and missed his precious DS terribly. I think he was more motivated to have a better day today. Most importantly I think is that he woke up today knowing that he had a shorter day of school, as I have to pick him up at 1:00 for his follow up with the psych in Nashville. That's two hours early and seems to have made a huge difference in his outlook on the day. In retrospect I should have had him ramp up to full days from the beginning of school. I am considering making him a chiro appointment tomorrow to have an excuse to pick him up early again then maybe by Monday he will be ready for whole days. By then he will have a med change on board too. I just don't want to get him used to or in the habit of having the bad mornings!

So we are off to the doc...we were just there last week where he had one of his increasingly common loopy episodes of running off, rolling around, purposeless giddiness which apparently can mean yeast. So, two days of diflucan later those episodes have completely disappeared. We are continuing the diflucan over the next couple weeks and after that will keep him on caprylic acid and probiotics to avoid this happening again. I plan to ask the doc about perhaps an intermittent routine dosing, once a week or month for example. We are also going to talk about adding a mood stabilizer to the seroquel. I had inadvertently given him a double dose of Seroquel one day last week and it made no difference whatsoever so I feel comfortable knowing that it isn't really more Seroquel that he needs but something else.

Off to clean the house up...Justin is coming home late late tonight for the weekend! Thank goodness! I hope that too helps Caelan. They do miss his presence even though they don't always articulate it.

strange life of mine...

so, mom is gone...that is good. We had a nice visit that was just long enough and not too short either. The kids got along pretty well all things considered. I could tell my mom made a huge effort to be supportive and to only offer her opinions and advice when asked.

The kids are in school already, KC is doing great. He has made a few friends and has a couple old ones in his class. Interestingly, two of his friends are kids who come in for the afternoon from a special ed class. As Lisa pointed out perhaps he is using the empathy that being Caelan's brother has given him in his friendship with these boys. Time will tell. He had a phone call from a friend tonight. Caelan is not adjusting well, it is about what I expected...perhaps a little worse. However true to their word, despite not having a functional behavioral assessment in place not a behavior support plan, they are dealing with him and have not suspended him yet. I did however get an invitation to a meeting today for the meeting they didn't think we were going to need. ;)

The poor guy is feeling a total lack of control...it is evident in his defiance when doing what I asked him to totally would have benefited him. As long as anything is my idea it is no good. After a nice thirty minutes of sweetness and cuddles after school, everything I said to him was met with shrieks of defiance and throwing of something. I have restrained him several times already...last was when I insisted that he take a shower...it has been two days since he bathed and three since he washed his hair. He needs it......*this* is a hill worth dying on...or so I thought. So...45 minutes later after much spitting, kicking, scratching etc the child said he was going up for the shower, crawled into the guest bedroom bed (he never ever sleeps in there) and promptly fell asleep.

And now KC is trying to go to sleep alone and feeling sad. He is sick, too...a pain free ear infection with a nagging cough, lack of appetite and energy. Got a z-pack and hopefully he will be on the mend and hopefully we don't have strep going around our house.

We meet with the holistic psych tomorrow and a second opinion/counseling behavior therapy doc next week. Help is on the way.

baby doves in my backyard!

So sweet, I hope they are big enough to thrive. Sometimes the momma is out there leading me away and sometimes not. We put some birdseed out for them and the parents. Will keep you posted!

Btw-I am posting this from my new toy! Hey Justin--dontcha wish you had one? (See you in a couple days !) :)

Posted by ShoZu